love, love, love

Okay, so I don't normally write about mushy love stuff. . . but I am going to today. :)

In approximately 6.5 hours, the boys and I will be picking Tim up from the airport. He has been in Texas for six days, but it has felt like months have gone by! This is the longest he has ever been away from us.

I really didn't think it would be hard without him here. About four years ago, he was working retail and we rarely saw him, and I was okay. So how bad could six days be? Well, I have definitely learned a few things while he was away:

- He makes me laugh harder than anyone else can

- As much as I think he is the one who leaves stuff all around the house. . . I see now that I do it too :/

- He is my motivation to take care of our home

- Dinners were not the same.

- I do not sleep well at all in bed alone.

- The love that the boys have for him has brought me to tears this week

There are so many other things that I could write. . . .

It's so crazy to think that ten years ago, I appreciated Tim's good looks above almost anything else. I still like the fact that he is good-looking ;) but I love the man that the Lord has made him to be. He is the one that God chose to be my husband, the leader of our home, the father of our boys, and I am so very thankful.

I am deserving of hell, and yet, by the grace of God, I get to be married to this wonderful man! Thank you, God!!

Where am I standing right now???

photo credit: http://soon2be40.wordpress.com/2009/02/

Most of the time I assume that I am standing on the solid ground of Christ. Do you ever do that? Just assume? Well, this is what happens when you assume: You are taken off-guard when you start sinking.
There is so much uncertainty in my life right now. Where is Tim going to find a job? In CA or TX? What kind of job will he have? How will we pay our bills? What or how much should we tell the boys? Financial decisions, etc., etc., etc.
And for the past few weeks, I would say that I was standing on solid ground. . wavering slightly, but on solid ground nonetheless. Last night the rubber met the road. For whatever reason, I was completely overwhelmed and hopeless about our situation. And I allowed myself to stay there most of the night into the early morning hours. Where was I standing then? Definitely not solid ground, that's for sure. I was sinking. It was even a physical feeling of suffocating. I started frantically looking for jobs for Tim online. Reading about the places to live in Texas, looking at church websites. .. craziness. All at midnight.
So I finally went to bed around 1am, only to wake up at least once an hour. The awesome thing is that every time I awoke, the words of The Solid Rock were singing in my mind. It's the old hymn that rings with so much amazing truth. The Lord used this hymn in a mighty way in me today. He is so faithful. I am so undeserving.

The Solid Rock
My hope is built on nothing less, Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand -
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace;
In ev'ry high and stormy gale, My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand -
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood, Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid Rock, I stand -
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound, O may I then in Him be found,
Dressed in His righteousness alone, Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock, I stand -
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.